Is It Enough?

The roller coasters no longer have height limitations

and seem to be absent of loopty-loops.

They have higher heights and

rage into deeper valleys.

I stand back wondering how to go about

fixing these magnificent waves of turmoil,

but it is not my own to freely go about banging,

checking weak areas,

tightening loose joints,

applying more oil

and wiping away condensation.

Carrying heavy loads suggests

we use our knees, not our backs.

So I pray without ceasing,

for those that don't,

for those that cease,

for those that lay down.

There is conditioning required

when more weight is added

to prevent injury.

My conditions lack.

I want to have the answer.

I want to apply the salve.

I speak to the Balm,

Lord please...

So I remember,

"To whom much is given..."

I wait for assistance.

And sometimes prayer is all we've got- all that I've got.

Remove the sickness.

Let Your will be done.

Encamp Your angels all around.

Forgive us.

Mend the broken heart.

Show her what she's worth.

Give him refuge.

If she WANTS to believe, let me be more like you, with more of you in me.

Believing it is already done.

So Many Reasons To Be Grateful, I Wish I Spoke Several Languages

"Life is good," is what I keep playing over and over in my head. I am grateful. I have no complaints and even when I could have, I chose to be grateful for what I didn't have a complaint about. It feels like life is falling into place. Not just falling into place, but the day to day living has been enhanced with good company, good conversations, fighting for my hearts desires, painting, working with/for family, and getting to spend time with people that listen and know the core of me; why I operate the way I do.

A close family member was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and although waking up in this reality can be hard for her, she has still managed to find the pros in this sneak attack and conjure up a smile. Life is still young for her and there are so many reasons that depression could easily set in and begin to spread, but that is not the route she has chosen. How foolish would I be to complain of anything.

Keep her in your prayers.

I am currently in the middle of my next painting, which is more of a representation of something much larger. A friend has commissioned me to help decorate her new place with my work and so far she loves what I've come up with. Not good at pricing my work, but doing work for the people I love is so priceless. I should be done with this representation by tomorrow and I'll get it posted.

Just before posting this blog, I finished applying for this call to artists here in Seattle. I began painting like I've been because of it, and I knew I had to get some work together. I had to have at least 8-20 images for them to choose from. Basically the committee is looking for vibrant colors and images that can be seen from near and far. That's me right!? I feel confident that I'll get at least ONE image chosen out of the 8 I sent in. There can be up to 3 images chosen, but I'll take the one. They pay $1000 for each, if chosen.

...and breath.

I am constantly surrounded by art, great people and family. Although my confidence in such areas like who I am, my purpose, my style as an artist, and being the friend/family/confidant/partner that the people around me need me to be, I am confident in knowing that everyday I do the most I can to remain honest when I say, "I am trying."

To you and to me, I am grateful for the role you've played in my life.

Go ahead, Get Comfy

The last week or so has been such an emotional roller coaster. Of course there's the ever-present bills that are due and over due, then there's the never-ending fight to maintain and sustain relationships, and at the end of it all, staying hopeful despite what may seem obvious.

It's been about a week since the last painting, but I intend to get started on the next one today. I plan to enter a few of them into this competition for placing art in the community. There is a monetary reward for them, but it's weird because that's what we want ultimately, yet that's not easy for me to succumb to. It's like I have to put a price on this part of me, this extension of myself and hope someone finds it worth their time/money. What am I doing for real?

On another note, I got to do some manual labor over the past two days and make a nice piece of change. It feels like the catching up is coming to an end, and I would like to just get ahead from there.

I saw SAMO last night

in a woman's home.

Hanging there, overexposed

All vulnerable and premature.

I could've touched him,

but he touched me.

As I received each word from his blackboard,

My eyes welled up

I hid behind the balusters

waiting.