Sometimes We Just Have To Know

It's been a few weeks since the last entry, but I am careful with my writing dependent on my emotional state, which has been something like a kaleidoscope.

The past few weeks have been full of blessings and a bit of heartache, but all in all, good foundation has been put into place. There's an understanding that I like to focus on, which is basically that my life is what I make it. I know that's not news or the first time anyone has said it, but there is a difference in knowing it and believing it. I feel like most people definitely know it; you put in the work, you get results. However, to take it a step further, I feel that if you believe it in your heart, as well as know it as truth, the things that your heart desires most will fall into place. The seeds that you've sewn will begin to bare fruit.

This perspective comes from my own personal journey throughout my life. In the last few months, I've blogged about showing up, not being fearful of what's to come, and ultimately just recognizing the good in life. It's no secret that I'm a follower of Christ, not religion, and I stand on the relationship that we have. I don't impress what I believe onto other people, but I make my stance no secret.

Several times this year, I have found myself stressed about bills, relationships, my future and the lack of clarity as to which way it would go, but I had to change that. I'm not the type of person to allow stress to take hold of me, so when I find that it has, I give myself just a small amount of time (less than 24hrs) to shake it off. The stress I had was about things that I couldn't do anything about and if I could, then I needed to change the situation. So, I literally took a step back and told myself not to worry about these things. I had to be okay with outcomes that I couldn't predict and believe things would be fine based on the facts; I live a life that is blessed through and through, I have no reason to stress. The next day, things were happening for me and cleared up everything that I was worried about.

Well, for a little while I forgot to practice this way of thinking. I believed it to be true because it worked for me, but not knowing that I could just as easily get right back into that way of living, I was stuck for a while (more than a day).

Last Friday, I was having this conversation with my BFF, and he had to remind me that I am in control of the life I want to live. It was the most enlightening day I have ever had. It wasn't just that I remembered I could change my situation emotionally, it was also me realizing who I am. In short, I am very talented and nothing can stop me. Realizing our worth and capabilities is something that I feel most people never really seek out. Well, I'm here to say it makes a difference. In under a week, I have been given new tires for my truck (4), gotten two more jobs that don't conflict with one another, sold a painting and picked up 3 new clients at the gym...amongst other things. I can't express how good life feels right now, but imagine feeling very low, and instantly winning the lottery! That's what it feels like. I could still be stressed about some of the same things, but WHY!? Right now, the good is outweighing the bad, and the bad isn't really bad, it's more like temporary. I can handle that.

The seeds that we sew in our lives can be good seeds or bad seeds. We can't plant weeds and expect roses. That's not how this works. There's a lot of different terminology that can be used in a conversation such as this, but there is only one point- Know in your heart and mind that you can change your circumstances if you don't like it. If you are stressed, choose to be done with stress. It does no good for anyone, and it's not even productive. Why waste the energy?! I encourage you to try it. As a matter of fact, let me know how it goes.

Quiet Time

It seems that since I've moved out here to WA, I have been on an ever-moving pathway. I am most encouraged to know that I've been moving forward, even if only inches. What I've been reflecting on most recently is that I am moving through seasons. Now personally, I know (and most who know me) that it's full court press when I have my sights set on something, and as the fire dies, I set my sights on another area. It can be a good or bad thing, but I see it as adventurous, which freaks most people out! How do you settle on one thing for some unlimited amount of time when you are capable of so many things? So this is where my head has been lately.

Wait- Typically, fasting is kept as a secrecy, but in this case, I'm sharing with you all that I am, because it is making all the difference right now. It is my way of being in solidarity with one of my guys in Graterford. It does your spirit some good to be on one accord with someone, and the goal is growth. I feel like the fast came right on time, because while all these moments of quiet are pretty forced, my body is also being forced to sustain in an uncomfortable way as well. My comfort zone is being set further and further away...I'm okay with that.

So, my best friend, Qadree, left for Afghanistan last week, and we talked everyday, several times a day. So, needless to say, that constant flow of venting or just thinking out loud with a bit of feedback has slowed up quite a bit. My other phone conversations have come to a halt as well. I find that I'm not used to my space being so quiet. I'm not used to keeping things in, so I meditate (if I'm not watching 24!). I'm writing and painting and praying. I'm moving forward. I am working to better understand myself and the relationships around me. People come into our lives at different times and for different reasons, and eventually we find out why, if we've been paying attention. Sometimes the issue just becomes, how long are they supposed to stay and what is it that we are to get from or give to them when it comes to purpose and growth.

I have so many goals, mainly just complete independence, but I would like to see that all the way through. I want a house for myself and to be in a position to help all the people that have helped me along in some way, without it being a struggle. Perhaps my reason for giving a try at all my gifts every now and then is because the ultimate desire is to stay with the one that gives me sustaining joy; the gift that I can utilize that will allow me to grow completely, as well as have complete freedom to comfortably move around in this life. I've never believed in doing things/working in a place that doesn't make us happy or fill us with joy, so I know that's not the life I'm destined to live. I believe in struggle and pushing ourselves, but the results should be positive/edifying.

In this quiet time, these are the things that I'm focusing on. I encourage you to take some personal time to reflect and possibly piece together a plan that will allow you to be your best possible self.