For The First Time

So, I have a few jobs, no longer at Ballys, which is okay, but I'm still training (in-home) and I'm still receiving the good in life and it's full of favor!  Yesterday I was at work; at Michaels doing my custom framing gig, and as I worked trying to meet deadlines and help people recreate their masterpieces, I had a moment.  Now I'm not going to lie, I do have a slight ego problem with having WMU in one pocket, Palmer Theological Seminary in another pocket, and AIP  (Art Institute of Philadelphia) in another pocket!  Sometimes, I'm sweeping the floors at night in this retail store and I can't help but feel some kind of way.  I have friends making money hand over fist, more than they might EVER NEED, I'm making more less than half of what my check would be if I still worked at the prison, and my boss is 22.  Actually, several of my bosses are barely making it into the club!  Okay, this is beside the point.  I'll get to it.

I stood at my workspace, reaching for this tool, that piece of work, a little bit of wire and smiling to myself, proud of some order that I had just put together for some lady who was completely hopeless when she came in the store.  Then, I had a thought.  For the first time in my life, I thought to myself, "I love my job.  I could do this forever."  I began to think about how I have several jobs and I love them all (writing, training, framing).  They represent me as accurately as a job can.  I am an artist.  I say this often because it only became easy for me to say a couple of years ago.  Even with that degree in Art and having had created so many things from childhood, I'd never had the confidence to say to someone, "I am an artist".  I remember crying to my ex a few years back about not really feeling like I had an identity.  Once school was over, I couldn't just say, "I'm a full-time student," anymore. All my friends at the time were doing what they loved, and I was a CO.  Made good money, but not proud at all.  It had nothing to do with who Kelli Nicole was.   So, I stood there thinking about how appropriate it was that me, the artist, would inevitably fall in love with this framing job, because it allows me to be my whole self.  I am nurturing and catering to the artist  in me everyday.  I'm typically the one that needs some kind of change after 6 months at a job.  Not this time.  

I'm happy.  I set out to Washington almost a year ago to find my self worth.  I knew it would be a struggle.  As I was leaving Philly, I had no desire to go anymore, but it was necessary.  I knew that it wasn't just a move into some kind of independence, it was a move into feeling confident about who I am; finding my identity, and for once, being secure in ME.  Now,  I feel like I can make anything happen in my favor that I want to happen.  I've already done it!